The sex life of a doppelgänger
by krola
Summary: Abed decides to sexualize Annie. Jeff/Annie


THE SEX LIFE OF A DOPPELGÄNGER

1. STUDY ROOM (LIBRARY) INT/DAY

Annie comes into the library. She seems stressed.

ANNIE

Abed! _(She shouts, but then stop when she realizes that the whole group is there. Her cheeks turn red as she approaches Abed more calmly) _I need to talk to you about…_(She looks around; everyone feigns that they are not trying to hear her)_About _sex_

PIERCE

'Love how slutty women usually are, that's the reason I had seven wives. Such an indecent proposition, _Bravo_, Annie!

ABED

I see where you are going… Now that you know about my intentions, what would you prefer? Black underwear o yellow?

ANNIE

What?

_(She seems offended, but then her semblance soften in a thoughtful stare) _Black

Jeff is watching the exchange with his brow frown. He inclines over Britta.

JEFF

Do you understand what is going on?

BRITTA

Not really

SHIRLEY

Sweetie, don't you think it's better to talk these things privately?

ANNIE

Yes. You are right! Thanks Shirley. Abed, follow me

PIERCE

She is fierce! Look how she tames her man

(He says while Abed follows Annie outside the library)

BRITTA

Shirley, now we won't hear what they were talking about!

SHIRLEY

Wasn't it obvious?

JEFF

Not to me

TROY

What am I going to do in the breaks of study when Abed is busy having sex with Annie?

BRITTA

Troy, we are as funny as Abed

Troy makes a face, he doesn't agree with Britta.

JEFF

They are not gonna have sex because… it's not logical. They are not this kind of characters…

SHIRLEY

Darling, you talk now like Abed…

BRITTA

What he is trying to say is that if here is someone who's gonna have sex with Annie, this would be him.

JEFF

I haven't say that… at all!

TROY

Wouldn't it be me? I am with whom she was in love during high school…

JEFF

(Frown his brows)

What? Do you still see her like hot Annie? 

TROY

Hey! Your description about her body was too much specific, dude. Quite effective.

2. COMON ROOM. INT/DAY

ANNIE

Sit down, Abed.

(He does as she says)

Figure my surprise when a girl, who I doesn't know but looks quite familiar to me, asks for my help. I say: "Yes! Of course!" thinking she just needs my Spanish homework or something like that. But _Bam_! Then she sits by my side, just in the spot you are right now…

(She says it without breath, so she takes her time to continue)

ABED

And?

ANNIE

And she asks me about my favourite sexual position!

ABED

Oh. Fake Annie isn't very discreet.

ANNIE

No! She isn't… and I ask her: "Why do you want to know this?" and she answers: "I have to film a sex scene performing you and your boyfriend" Who is my boyfriend? Vaughn isn't…

ABED

Actually, she is talking about Jeff, what makes me realize that she doesn't really understand the plot of your relationship. Because you are not girlfriend and boyfriend yet, you are still in the friends with benefits field. Hotter.

ANNIE

I thought the sexual tension between Jeff and me disappeared with the werewolf curse

ABED

The audience was not happy with that development and I agree with them, your relationship with Jeff is one of the most exciting things of the show. Keeps a lot of audience.

ANNIE

Okay… We are friends, Abed, so I will let you use my body…or my name and her body…in a sex scene. Just one condition.

ABED

What is it?

ANNIE

I want to be sexy in that scene, as an adult. Not like a girl who only had one unsatisfactory relationship with a guy who happened to be gay. Understood? The character of Annie Edison knows how to make love. Okay?

ABED

It seems fair. So…what do you prefer? Under or on the top?

ANNIE

On the top, I need control.

ABED

Great. That's great.

The last statement is heard by Shirley, who covers her mouth scandalized by this exchange of words.

3. COLLEGUE LOUNGUE. INT/DAY

Shirley goes after Abed, she seems very angry.

SHIRLEY

I am so disappointed on you!

Abed frowns and points to himself, unsure if Shirley is actually talking to him.

SHIRLEY

Yes! You… I never though that you were going to be a pervert…to little Annie! How can you make such indecent proposition?

ABED

I recall that this was exactly what Pierce said about Annie, he was proud of her though.

SHIRLEY

… Jeff, even when I love him, it was possible that he and…sweet Annie… but you! How did this happen?

ABED

I am not a pervert. Its not gonna be a porn scene or nothing similar…we are going to cut before either of them gets completely naked. I want just some kisses on the skin, filthy words maybe…not more.

SHIRLEY

Them? Who are they? Who is gonna get naked? I mean, you and Annie…

ABED

Jeff and Annie, of course. The sex scene is between them.

SHIRLEY

Oh. This has more sense…Not that you doesn't make sense naked or in this activity, Abed.

ABED

Don't worry. I understand: He is Jeff.

SHIRLEY

Yeah…so, sex scene? You are talking about your show about us. Don't you?

ABED

Yes. I am due to film the fifth episode of the third season.

SHIRLEY

Third season! How many chapters are there?

ABED

Twenty-five per season

SHIRLEY

Can I…Can I watch it?

ABED

Yes. Of course, I think you will enjoy Jeff and Annie's first date. They don't realize it is a date. Girls say it's romantic

SHIRLEY

Oh, cute!

ABED

Yes. That's the normal reaction.

4. STUDY ROOM (LIBRARY). INT/DAY

PIERCE

So this guy comes in a bar and…

BRITTA

Can we begin studying Spanish please?

JEFF

Annie is not here yet.

TROY

Shirley isn't, either

ABED

Oh. Annie is not gonna come today. I forgot to tell you, guys.

JEFF

What? Why? Is she ill?

ABED

No. She is shopping underwear with FakeAnnie.

JEFF

That doesn't seem something that Annie would do.

ABED

Oh. But she is! Today is the big night! She is pretty excited!

PIERCE

…Like a virgin!

BRITTA

Pierce, we are gonna do like we didn't hear you!

TROY

Don't we do this everyday?

JEFF

Abed. Can you explain us the real reason? If she asked for your help…You can tell us the truth, she is your friend but we are too.

In this moment, Shirley comes in. She is crying soundly and she points to Jeff, accusatively.

SHIRLEY

You don't deserve her, hot pants! She is right: Men are evil and you are a man!

JEFF

What have I done now?

ABED

I think she has just watched the finale of the first season.

TROY

Does anybody understand? Because I don't understand what he is talking about, and I always understand him so this is wrecking my brain.

BRITTA

Don't worry Troy, I don't understand him and I am sure Jeff doesn't either.

ABED

She watched the show I am filming about us. There Jeff and Annie have a tortuous relationship, after a big sexy kiss in this same study room, they try to avoid the sexual tension. Specially Jeff, who thinks he is too old for Annie

JEFF

I am! She is eighteen and I am…well, older

ABED

So in an episode he says to Buddy that we try to not sexualise her

BRITTA

Do you have a FakeBudy too?

SHIRLEY

But Jeff doesn't want to sexualise her because he did it once, and they kissed but they can't be together for the difference age and he is suffering a lot, because she is always beside him in the study room, and she wears short skirts, and he doesn't see innocence in her anymore…but they can't be together so they just look at each other with loving eyes…and it is very heartbreaking! So sad!

ABED

But then, a guy named Ethan moves to Greendale because he is expelled from Yale. Ethan falls in love with Annie and they start dating, even when Annie is still in love with Jeff, who comes to the realization that if he can't sexualise her, nobody can. So he ask her to dump Ethan, But Annie thinks he is being possessive instead of romantic, so she says no.

SHIRLEY

… But three hours after, she changes her mind and she goes to look for him.

TROY

Why are they ending each other phrases? That is my job!

SHIRLEY

But when she comes to the library, I mean, she arrives here…Jeff is making out with another girl which name I don't know yet!

(She cries again, violently)

ABED

Her name is Ashley

SHIRLEY

Then Annie looks at Jeff's eyes and says: "Men are evil and you are a man. I hate you!" Poor girl….

Couldn't you have waited three hours? You would be happy right now!

JEFF

Shirley, This story didn't really happen… and probably it won't happen.

ABED

In the next chapter, Annie starts working in a nightclub like a sexy dancer.

SHIRLEY

Oh, Does she? Poor sweet girl in love!

ABED

Spoiler. Sorry, Shirley

JEFF

See? Annie as a strip dancer? Not realistic

TROY

I think one of her favourites movies is Moulan Rouge

Shirley cries again, more soundly if it is even possible.

PIERCE

I expected a little more of meat from that movie, if you know what I mean.

SHIRLEY

In the TV show, Jeff usually dreams about her…not cute dreams, evil man dreams! See, its real! Everything is gonna happen, Abed is a physic…a witch!

JEFF

I don't dream about Annie…not in that erotic way you are thinking of, Shirley

ABED

Off Character

JEFF

Well, Doesn't matter what I dream. Ok? The important thing is that Abed Cool Videos are fiction.

Shirley continues crying.

JEFF

Okay… We can't study today. Reunion dissolved… I am gonna look for this Ashley chick.

SHIRLEY

He is an evil man, he is…

JEFF gets out of the library. Abed follows him.

5. COLLEGE LONGUE. INT/DAY

ABED

Jeff! I think FakeJeff wants to ask about your favourite sexual positions

JEFF

Right now, I am uncomfortable talking about this thing, Abed.

Dean Pelton appears suddenly in front of them. A student is beside him, he seems a male version of Annie. His hair is black; he uses short pants and a wool sweeter.

DEAN PELTON

Jeff, Jeff, Jeff… The student I wanted to see. I have talked about you a lot to Nathan… and I can't think of a better person to show Nathan around the campus

JEFF frowns and looks at Abed.

ABED

I knew the audience wouldn't like his character because he is an obstacle between you and Annie, so I opted to name him Ethan, because I like Nathan of One Tree Hill. Didn't want to tarnish his name

Nathan and Dean Pelton looks at Jeff expectantly, their faces reflect their confusion about the conversation with Abed.

DEAN PELTON

So Jeff, What do you say?

ABED

They are going to hate each other. Bad idea.


End file.
